How to Cope With Fertility Challenges
Infertility is hard to live and deal with, and as women, we often make it harder on ourselves. Here are some ways to cope if you are struggling with infertility. You deserve to live a happy, fulfilled life!
No More Blame
It is easy to play the blame game with yourself when it comes to fertility, whether it is questioning yourself about your age, your choices in the past, and so on. Blaming yourself will only bring more pain and suffering, especially when fertility challenges are often determined by factors out of our control.
It is crucial to stop blaming yourself and realize infertility is not your fault. And know that you are not alone in struggling with infertility or struggling with secondary infertility. Blaming yourself is never the answer and will only lead to depression. It is most important to focus on yourself, your future, and what you can do in the now to move forward.
Stay Hopeful
Infertility can be extremely difficult to deal with, and many are struggling with infertility depression. While things may seem hopeless right now and you may be full of self-doubt and sadness, know that your life can still be full of happiness.
If you cannot conceive a biological child, remember that there are many other options. Donors are available, such as egg, sperm, and embryo donors. If a donor is not the right fit for you, you could even look into adoption. Having a child is not one size fits all, and not having children is completely normal and acceptable. Though it may be difficult to accept at the moment, you can have a happy, fulfilling life without having a child.
We empathize and acknowledge that these options we have mentioned do not make things easier and do not diminish the pain of this experience. With the trauma that comes with infertility, you will need time to heal and grieve. Try to hold on to hope, and remember that there is beautiful life ahead after infertility. Speak to your doctor about your diagnosis and see if any fertility treatments are right for you.
Do Not Play the Waiting Game
If you have been spending the past year trying to conceive and have not become pregnant, you should consult your doctor. Being in denial and refusing help comes with consequences, as infertility often worsens with time. Know that struggling with infertility is normal, there are ways in which you can be assisted medically, and you can take hold of that chance now.
Visit us today to be examined and screened for conditions that may be causing or contributing to fertility challenges. If you want to keep trying to conceive without treatment, we still recommend fertility testing. It never hurts to know what can help or what your future options may be. Both you and your partner should be tested to determine whether what you are experiencing can and should wait to avoid losing valuable time.
Do Not Live By a Timeline
When women are trying to conceive, it is easy to focus on that timeline of your ovulation, followed by those weeks you are waiting to take a pregnancy test. Living by this timeline can cause anxiety and can lead to struggling with infertility depression. On this timeline, you are either worrying about ovulation or a pregnancy test, with no downtime for your mental health. Through the help of friends, family, a counselor, and a support group, you can start to focus on and live a life beyond this timeline.
Do Not Feel Helpless
While many couples are proactive in their treatment and care for infertility struggles, many do not even know where to start. Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself. Your care is under your control, and you determine it. We empathize with the many couples struggling with infertility and the struggles they face. We know how fertility clinics turn couples away and refuse IVF treatment. We know how doctors can dismiss couples when they are young but cannot conceive. We know about those doctors that will not test or treat women without any helpful recommendations to get their health on track.
Remember – your care, your choice. You can choose your doctor, and you can find a new one that is a better fit for you. You may be turned down by one clinic because they doubt your chances of conception, but you are in control of seeking another opinion. If your doctor says you need to lose weight to conceive, ask them to perform necessary tests and refer you to a nutritionist. Your care is in your hands, so take hold of it!
Stay Sex Positive
When you are struggling with infertility, struggling with infertility depression, or are struggling with secondary infertility, it can be hard to stay positive about your sex life. For many, sex can start to feel like a chore. For others, sex is a reminder of your infertility, even though you did not think of sex as a means to conceive before your infertility challenges.
The pleasure of sex may feel like it has disappeared, but remind yourself that this feeling is temporary. Think back to your intimacy before your fertility challenges, and try to help yourself get back to that place. Rember, despite struggling with fertility and struggling with infertility depression, you are still your same, worthy self, and you are worthy of restoring pleasure in your intimate life!
Make Your Own Family Life
It is up to you to determine what family and family life look like to you and your loved ones. Society cannot and should not define it for you. Blood relatives and biological children do not make a family anymore or less legitimate. Do not wait on family life to happen based on having children. You and your partner, friends, and loved ones can start your own chosen family, and you can begin creating your own traditions today.
Self-Worth Is Not Determined By Fertility
Although infertility can make you feel ashamed, damaged, and worthless, you have to remember that although these feelings are common, your self-worth is not determined by your fertility. It is easier to fall into the negatives, but staying positive is your way out of feeling this way. You are still you, and you are still worthy, regardless of your fertility status. You are still as lovable as you were before your diagnosis, you are still as worth a life of happiness as you were before your diagnosis, and you are still as capable as you were before your diagnosis. You are more than your fertility now, and you always will be.
Focus on You
Struggling with fertility, struggling with secondary infertility, and struggling with infertility depression can be extremely heavy, and you can lose sight of yourself. You may stop thinking about your needs, your future, your job, your education, and more. Remember, your life was special before your fertility challenges, and it still is after your diagnosis.
It is helpful to take yourself out of your struggle and try to view your situation from the outside looking in. Ask yourself what you need, what you want, what you desire, and what your goals are. Take the pressure off yourself and think of life beyond pregnancy and children, and live it to the fullest.
Do Not Suffer In Silence
While struggling with infertility is a very private matter, it is necessary to have a support system in place to help you through this time. Bottling up your sadness and anger can manifest mentally, physically and spill into other areas of your life, such as work, relationships, and more.
Think about who you feel safe sharing your experience with, and open up to them about your fears, goals, and experience. We especially recommend seeking external help, such as a counselor, therapist, or support group, to work through these struggles. We promise it will feel like such a relief when you get things off your chest.
You Are Not Alone
Though you may feel alone, remember that you are not. One in eight women experiences fertility challenges in their lifetime. You probably know people – friends, family, co-workers – that have struggled to conceive but just may not have shared their experiences. Support is available to you at your fingertips.
At Trogolo Obstetrics and Gynecology, our practice of compassionate and skilled medical professionals is here to use our expertise to help you through your fertility challenges. Visit our website or give us a call today to learn more about the services we offer. We look forward to providing you with the comprehensive care you deserve.